Oh Momma! Why’d You Have to Leave Me?

Oh Momma……..

My heart is heavy because I learned on Friday that my Mother passed away. Thank God she transitioned swiftly in her own own home and on her own terms. She was terrified of becoming dependent on her children or living in a nursing home. Mom had inoperable aneurysms and never knew if or when she’d leave us.

Our relationship was good; not always easy but really solid. I’m so proud that we were on good terms. My relationship with my Mother was a priority so I forgave her and accepted her for who she was. She was a little wounded bird.

I hold on to her praise and how proud she was to have birthed a woman like me.  She revelled in my kindness and my way with words. I still laugh about her asking me, “Why are you so honest?”

Mom loved My Girlfriend Voice and  kept a binder of my blog posts. I hadn’t shown her the new MGV website yet — my only regret. She would have loved it— except for the swear words peppered here and there!  I’m sassy, what can I say? I have to be true to my voice!

My biggest hope is that my Mom wasn’t afraid to die.  I want her to know that everything will be OK here.  I’ll grieve her absence and celebrate her memory.  Wow, she lived so much longer than any of us expected, having been ill for almost twenty years.

I’ve traveled  back “home” to visit her body to kiss her goodbye. I had to touch and talk to her face just once more. Losing your Mother, the person who brought you to Earth, is devastating.  I trust that she is free. I trust that she feels complete and worthy. I trust that she is rejoicing with my Dad.

Please keep me, my family and Momma “Kaye” in your prayers.  I picture her young and healthy, dancing and laughing— the broken body has been left behind. Her spirit lives within me and amongst us.

Mom is one of the two women who most impacted my life. And for that, I am grateful to be her daughter.

From the (broken) heart ❤️

Cara

Get Me Off this Damn Thing!!!

The Emotional Roller Coaster.  The constant ups and downs; extreme highs and the lowest of lows. You alternate between exhilarated and devastated; passionate and detached.

How did you get on the damn roller coaster in the first place?

 

Use Your “Outside” Voice — Question Everything!

While my posts focus on the “inner voice” and managing our critical chatter, today I want to focus on our “outside” voice or how we speak to the world.

In light of the events in Charlottesville, it is critically important to state that I do not support white supremacy or any of their beliefs. It sickens me that there are 917 identified and active hate groups in this country (Southern Poverty Law Center 2017). How is hate a driving force with thousands, actually millions of Americans?

I spent last week observing more than acting. Don’t get me wrong, I am livid. I am sickened, saddened, enraged, threatened and shocked. I felt a shift too.  I came to the conclusion that my angry vile words are not going to do anything but contribute to the problem. Let me explain…….

You lose your power and credibility when you spew hate. 

Finding beauty…

I’m focused on finding beauty
-within myself
-within every human being

I’m at a loss for words when bigotry and violent acts are not condemned.

I will pause and connect to the BEAUTY in every human being.

I celebrate our diversity. In diversity there is STRENGTH.

I pray for peace and justice. ❤️

From the heart,

Cara

Have you forgotten your beauty?

Girlfriend, you are so accustomed to your features that you forget just how beautiful you are to strangers!

Beauty stems from shining bright and living unapologetically!

Beauty isn’t defined by age, dress size or color.

Beauty is confidence.

Be YOU and you’ll be beautiful! ❤️

From the heart,

Cara

#mygirlfriendvoice #beauty #agelessbeauty #bodypositive #beauthentic #smile #shinebright

Stepping into Uncertainty

I feel a type of rawness these days.  A rawness resulting from stripping away most of my blame, shame and guilt.  I’ve shed the heavy layered untruths and all of what no longer suits me.

I have discarded the limitations I’ve carried around since youth like a snake sheds it skin.

A bright light now shines into my heart, illuminating the bruises and battle wounds; sparking optimism.

I Hate Wormy Cowards!

Just when I think I have evolved into a spiritual peace dwelling goddess, I hear something that really pisses me off.  Damn, in a few seconds I am playing tug of war with my rational brain to stay engaged and objective while my emotional brain rages.  My heart rate increases and I feel my lips pursing; the sure sign of,  “you’ve got to be kidding me or more likely WTF, what did you just say?”  I think you may be able to relate to my scenario.  

Doing Too Much is my Comfort Zone

Hello Girlfriends!  I am curious to know if after you read last week’s blog post, did you give yourself permission to do something differently?  Did you take a step away from your comfort zone?  Even a baby step is a step in the right direction.

I took action and gave myself permission to do something differently.  I took myself out of a leadership role for an event in September.  You see, I like to DO.  I like to GIVE.  The issue is that I can commit to so much activity that I over-do; I over-give.  I exhaust myself.

Doing too much is my comfort zone.

The Permission Slip

Oopsie! I had a premature post there a little bit ago – hopefully that won’t happen again. I’m using the WordPress site on my IPad as my laptop died on me. So inconsiderate!! I just lost an entire post so I’m grabbing a sangria and starting over.  Cheers! …………

Ok, Girlfriends, I need to rant. I need to blow off a little steam and GET THIS OFF MY CHEST. I don’t want to go to carry around this angst.

So what has my panties in a twist? Take a guess……

My kids? Surprisingly no.

My X-husband, “Mr. MF-Ski”? Nope.

My boss? Ha, ha, no. He has been behaving lately.

I am not pissed about my cellulite, how the refrigerator stinks (again), the high cost of living in the Bay Area or how hard it is to find stylish walking sandals that don’t look like Grandma Wilma’s orthopaedics! 

I am breathing hard because I am FED UP. Enough already!

I have heard too many excuses; excuses like you don’t have time, you don’t have a choice, you don’t have a small waist or a big bank account…… you don’t think your opinion matters, you don’t want to rock the boat, blah, blah, blah!

You don’t want to date until you lose ten pounds. You don’t want to travel until you retire. You don’t want a new job because you don’t like change.  

…….. ………..  ………. …….   You don’t have any problem complaining though. ………that’s the part that annoys me! 

I see your heavy heart. I feel your outrage. I hear your desperation.

Your pain is very familiar to me.

Like you, I chose to play it safe. I lived surrounded by walls built by my own fear. I put everyone else and everything else first. I either numbed or distracted myself to keep from feeling anything. I blamed everyone and everything for my UN-everythingness!! 

Superwoman puts up with bullshit because she can; she’s a fictional character!!! We on the other hand are only human!

I used to live that way but I don’t do that anymore. I gave myself permission to think and act differently. I’m in no way perfect- I still slip up and indulge in a bitchfest or feel sorry for myself.  Progress not perfection, Girlfriends! 

When I was in the elementary school, I pitched an idea to my teacher. We had a trash problem on the playground and I told her that we could solve the issue if we bedazzled our trash cans.  “Let’s make it fun to throw away our trash!” ! Ok, I didn’t use the word bedazzled in 1972 but this is a true story! The project was approved. I moved ahead with my idea. The can said, “FEED ME’ and featured Lucy from The Peanuts.

Cara and her little brother Mike!!

Fear has a way of looking really attractive; like a big colorful trashcan called Lucy who eats your dreams. The more you feed the fear, they more fear grows and keeps you small. 

Fear freezes you.  

Back to the present moment……What really confuses me is why you don’t give yourself permission to think or act differently?

What’s blocking you from making a change? You are an adult. You are intelligent and capable.

You are the one RESPONSIBLE for your life. You are the ONLY ONE responsible for change.

What is holding you back? What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Girlfriend, if this resonates with you then it is time to grow a pair! It is time to clear out whatever is preventing you from signing your permission slip.

I invite you to give yourself permission to do something that you have been longing to do. Give yourself permission TODAY.

This is your loving kick in the butt to stop whining and make a change. You are not going to thrive in this life unless you take risks and sit with discomfort.

LIVE a little! Let me assure you, you are going to be alright. You have everything you need right now.

I am hopeful you will honor the dreams and desires that reside within you.  

What will you give yourself permission to do today? Write out your permission slip to make it real. “I give myself permission to (fill in the blank). Post it in the comments below. Writing it down makes it real. Telling us keeps you accountable!! 

From the heart,

Cara

©2011-2017MyGirlFriendVoice

In case you are wondering about the other things that annoy me:

1. A dear friend that had recent surgery but didn’t tell anyone. She didn’t want to bother us. Let us love on you, Girlfriend!  Accepting help is not a weakness. 

2. Mitch McConnell, The Majority Whip Weiner. Need I say more?

3. My laptop dying before I was ready to replace it! 

4. I am out of FeverTree Tonic. Just as well, there is no cabana boy to make me a cocktail.

5. Mean people.  

 

 

 

 

“…..get up, stand up, stand up for your right!”

What does your bedtime routine look like? Personally, I prefer to read for a bit then go to bed early.  Geez though, you have be careful what you read as the day’s headlines are so damn depressing.

I was too lazy to get out of bed and walk twenty feet to the living room where I’d left my magazine so I picked up my phone.  The phone at bedtime! BIG MISTAKE. I made the all too familiar mistake of looking at my email and two hours later I was too worked up to sleep.

To educate myself about the Opioid Epidemic, I have Google alerts which provide me links to daily news articles.  Tragically there are so many daily alerts that’s it’s hard to keep up.  So why do I put myself there? Because I chose to and because I’m a Fierce Mama turned Advocate. I will advocate to reduce the stigma of substance use disorders and influence policy makers to provide more effective and affordable treatment options. Incarceration is not the answer.Just like Bob Marley said, “get up, stand up, stand up for your right.”  I have a right to be me and follow my passion just like you have a right to be you.

 I’m exercising my right to speak up. I believe one person can make a difference.

So why opioids? My family has been and continues to be impacted or shall I say devastated by my son’s misuse of opioids. It’s hell. Actually hell sounds nice compared to our story. It’s impossible to describe the gut wrenching nightmare we’ve endured. The pain has sent me to my knees a million times over.

Please note. I do NOT want your pity.  This is NOT why I’m writing about my experience.

I write because it helps me cope. It grounds me. Writing heals me.

“My Girlfriend Voice” arose from my frantic attempt to survive the chronic stress of my life. Not only did I have a child suffering from substance use and mental illness, I had another child who desperately needed his Mother’s attention and love.  I was depressed and ending a long term marriage. I dreamt of running away.

Now while I don’t claim to know everything, I know I am resilient. I am wise because I learn from my experiences. Yes, I make mistakes. I cry big ugly snotty cries and I swear like a sailor. I rage, although not as often. I have bad days just like everyone.

Despite all of “this crap”,  I’m happy and optimistic. It’s hard work but a terrific return on my investment. I am grateful for my deep compassion and perspective.

Thank goodness we gain wisdom as we experience pain!!

I’m willing to let you witness to my process. I’m willing to share my thoughts and my tools in hopes that these stories will help you. I don’t want you to ever feel alone and hopeless.

Do you think this is weird? Narcisitic? You have a right to your opinion! I respect that! I don’t have to defend my motives or intentions.

In the spirit of sharing, here is a post I wrote last week. (Pasted below) “My Girlfriend Voice” encouraged me to show up strong and empowered. Finally I am comfortable accepting the consequences of who I am!!!!!!! It’s the only way I want to live. Free and open hearted. Get up, stand up! Don’t give up the fight!

I’d love to hear from you. Have you made contact with your Girlfriend Voice? What’s she telling you?

Are you ready to accept the consequences of who you are?

From the heart,

Cara

No parent EVER believes that they may someday need drug treatment for their child. Why does Trump propose such nonsense with his health care proposal? It will be even more difficult and much more expensive to obtain medical assistance.

What if only 10% of cancer patients got treatment? I’m serious. I’m real serious because I’m livid.

Drug overdose is now the LEADING cause of death for 50 year olds and under yet no one wants to talk about it . We MUST talk about it!

1. I don’t want to hear from you if you accuse me of trying to take pain pills away from those patients in need. I’M NOT!

2. Don’t bother saying addiction is a choice. It is a disease of the brain! Would anyone want the life of an addict? Would you want to watch your child slowly self-destruct and then bury them?

3.  Addiction is NOT a moral failing. Period.

Pharma companies manipulated us into believing opioids were safe. It’s atrocious.  Despite the tragic numbers, and by the way there were more deaths last year than lived lost in the Vietnam War, there is too little regulation regarding writing opioid prescriptions.
While I’ve been writing this post 4 people have died of an over dose. 4 people!! That’s 91 people dying every day. It’s senseless.
We incarcerate instead of rehabilitate.
We shame and isolate addicts and their families. It’s cruel.
We look the other way instead of shouting enough is enough!

“As of 2014, Medicaid picked up the tab for 21 percent of substance-abuse treatment spending and covered roughly one-quarter of medication-assisted treatments. Democrats have said that Medicaid rollbacks that would follow a partial repeal of the Affordable Care Act could strip access to services that patients use to combat drug addiction.”

Please help me take stand.

1. Please call your senators and say no to HCA. (202) 224-3121 is the US Capital Switchboard

2. Please use social media to express your concerns.

3. Feel free to share this post.

If you’ve read this far, I thank you. I thank you for your willingness to understand this urgent medical crisis.

#opioids #heroin #painkillers #SUD #ServicesNotCells #DualDiagnosis #91DeathsADay #OpioidEpidemic #Fentanyl #Narcan #Suboxone #Methadone #BlackTar #MAT

©2011-2017MyGirlfriendVoice