Oh Momma! Why’d You Have to Leave Me?

Oh Momma……..

My heart is heavy because I learned on Friday that my Mother passed away. Thank God she transitioned swiftly in her own own home and on her own terms. She was terrified of becoming dependent on her children or living in a nursing home. Mom had inoperable aneurysms and never knew if or when she’d leave us.

Our relationship was good; not always easy but really solid. I’m so proud that we were on good terms. My relationship with my Mother was a priority so I forgave her and accepted her for who she was. She was a little wounded bird.

I hold on to her praise and how proud she was to have birthed a woman like me.  She revelled in my kindness and my way with words. I still laugh about her asking me, “Why are you so honest?”

Mom loved My Girlfriend Voice and  kept a binder of my blog posts. I hadn’t shown her the new MGV website yet — my only regret. She would have loved it— except for the swear words peppered here and there!  I’m sassy, what can I say? I have to be true to my voice!

My biggest hope is that my Mom wasn’t afraid to die.  I want her to know that everything will be OK here.  I’ll grieve her absence and celebrate her memory.  Wow, she lived so much longer than any of us expected, having been ill for almost twenty years.

I’ve traveled  back “home” to visit her body to kiss her goodbye. I had to touch and talk to her face just once more. Losing your Mother, the person who brought you to Earth, is devastating.  I trust that she is free. I trust that she feels complete and worthy. I trust that she is rejoicing with my Dad.

Please keep me, my family and Momma “Kaye” in your prayers.  I picture her young and healthy, dancing and laughing— the broken body has been left behind. Her spirit lives within me and amongst us.

Mom is one of the two women who most impacted my life. And for that, I am grateful to be her daughter.

From the (broken) heart ❤️

Cara

I Hate Wormy Cowards!

Just when I think I have evolved into a spiritual peace dwelling goddess, I hear something that really pisses me off.  Damn, in a few seconds I am playing tug of war with my rational brain to stay engaged and objective while my emotional brain rages.  My heart rate increases and I feel my lips pursing; the sure sign of,  “you’ve got to be kidding me or more likely WTF, what did you just say?”  I think you may be able to relate to my scenario.   Continue reading

Guilty as Charged!

Guilty as charged! You, CaraW, on this 23rd day of September are cited with the following crimes:
• Sometimes too helpful,
• Frequently too kind and
• Annoying too optimistic.

Confused? I was too when I heard that our best attributes can get us to trouble. It took a few days to wrap my head around this concept but this is how I digested it. Continue reading

A Haunting Question

The Christmas holiday in my little Zen Den was simply wonderful. I hope that you too enjoyed a lovely December celebration whether it was alone or with family and friends.

There are many things that could (and did!) stress me out over the holidays. See my blog entry called “Christmas Crisis” if you are curious. However this year I experienced a new pressure. I felt the pressure to “be in a relationship” or at least have a date every time I attended a holiday party.

Why does it really matter? Continue reading

Now or Later? The Choice is Yours

There are times when the voices in your head can be really helpful!  Recently I had a little situation where I decided to consult my inner wisdom or what I like to call, “My Girlfriend Voice or MGV for short” for a little advice.

Last Sunday, a friend hurt my feelings.  There was no doubt that I was hurt but I couldn’t decide if I should I put a little space in between us or try to address the situation while the feelings were still fresh. Continue reading

FUN— It’s Elementary!

This week I’ve been struggling to find the right words.  My mind is a flurry of activity yet I don’t feel  the usual melody in my story.

Boom, it is 1am and the lights go on in my brain. 

This topic is complex but when I drill down to the absolute core of what is important, it’s really rather simple. I’ll forego the need for a flowery explanation and witty prose and share with you the facts.  Just the facts, Ma’am, just the facts.

So what is my mystery topic? RELATIONSHIPS.  I am talking about my blueprint for healthy relationships; the relationships between friends, family and lovers.

There are times when a relationship requires WORK.  Not effort, but work.  I am not talking about hitting a rough patch or feeling distant but rather you feel like you are running up hill, walking on egg shells or giving more than you receive. RED FLAG but I’ll continue this thought later.

So now that I have reached the divine and wise (ass) age of 50, what say I is the key?  What is necessary in order to experience a mutually satisfying relationship?  To help you remember, I’ve created a simple mnemonic; FUN!

The (F) FOUNDATION:

  1. I must understand who I am.
  2. I must love the person I am.
  3. I must be responsible for my actions, toward myself and others.

The (U) UNDERSTANDING:

  1. You enhance my life BUT I don’t need you to feel complete.
  2. We communicate honestly and respectfully, regardless of the subject matter.
  3. Our relationship is a priority NOT a contingency or a convenience.

The (N) NON-NEGOTIABLES:

  1. We each believe we are capable of loving another person and we deserve to be loved ourselves.
  2. We each own our own #$#@%.  No blame or excuses!
  3. We explicitly agree that I am responsible for MY life and you for YOUR life.
  4. We relinquish the need to control what is out of our power and place to manage.
  5. We chose to live with an open and generous heart.

Back to that RED FLAG warning…. The first thing to examine is your role in the relationship. Are you grounded and open?  Realistic? This step is so often overlooked as blame, anger, resentment and other powerful emotions fuel unproductive exchanges.

Look in the mirror.  You are the first step.

If it still isn’t working, you have a decision to make.

FUN = My personal blueprint.  What’s your blueprint?

From the heart,

Caraw

©2012MyGirlfriendVoice

(Graphic courtesy of sodahead.com)

Today is Your Only Guarantee

I was reminded this week of the way life moves at a pace all its own whether you are ready for it or not. One of my favorite people in my Friday reading group was absent for the last two weeks.  I asked if he was on vacation but was told that because his disease had progressed so rapidly in the last month, he was moved to an assisted living facility.  This day program is designed for those still able to live at home so I wouldn’t have the pleasure of Irv’s company any longer.   My heart was heavy because this man had provided me with so many humorous anecdotes and stories of his life.  I told him we would sit down and record of his memories once I purchased a decent recorder.   I didn’t move fast enough…..

Today is your only guarantee.  Continue reading