Get Me Off this Damn Thing!!!

img_0569The Emotional Roller Coaster.  The constant ups and downs; extreme highs and the lowest of lows. You alternate between exhilarated and devastated; passionate and detached.

How did you get on the damn roller coaster in the first place?


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My Own Little Holiday

divorced heartLast fall what I affectionately refer to as my “Un-Divorce” finally became FINAL after a mere seven and a half year process.  Initially I was jumping for joy and popping the bubbly because this Mama was hot to trot and ready to prowl!  By December and contrary to what I thought was “normal”, I felt like I had been hit by a Mac truck.  There were so many emotions seeping to the surface, then like a toddler they were whining for my undivided attention. Darkness surrounded me and I was breathless.  I was speechless.  Why were these emotions surfacing again and so intensely?

I surrendered to my grief. Continue reading

Express Yourself……. Come on now Express Yourself

Hello friends! Another week goes by and despite the stress of my life; there were some really funny moments. These are the best things from my week:

At a local senior center, I lead a Friday discussion group with early stage Alzheimer’s patients. I asked the group, “What is something that you should never lie about? One lady said, “Your shoe size.” Another lady said, “Why are we talking about suicide?” This reminds me of the joke where three seniors go out for a stroll. The first one says, “It’s windy. Another one replies, “No, it’s Thursday.” The last one says, “Me too. Let’s get a drink.”

At another place I hear an older lady say to friends, “I finally picked out the photo of myself I want to have on display at my funeral. My daughter said I was too much of a bitch then. She has only liked me for the last few years so she suggests a more recent photo.” This is a true story!
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The Premeditation Game

The Premeditation Game

I love word games.  How many words can you make from the letters found in the word “EXPECTATIONS”?  I’ll get you started with a few:  pectin, cape, exact, noise.   Here is one I bet you didn’t guess, “RESENTMENT”.  Is the saying true that, “expectations are premeditated resentment”?  I hadn’t heard this phrase before today so I decided it was time for a little research and then what I love to do best, tell you a story.

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Dancing with my Demon

Dancing with my Demon

What a &#$^%#$&* week this has been — lesson after lesson reinforcing that I have to accept what is out of my control.  I hate it.  I hate the way I feel.

Sadly, I am watching someone close to me self-destruct.  Despite multiple opportunities, much love and attention, this person is on a wild trajectory.  While I know his journey has nothing to do with me, there are days when I would gladly trade places just to give him a sense of peace and direction; some stillness in his crazy world.

Turning the focus inward, my biggest personal demon is the need for control.

Believing I am in control reduces the chances of being stupid or disappointed, right?

DUH, sadly it is just a big fat set up!!!  Control has many downsides.  Overly preparing for every scenario precludes spontaneity and natural learning not to mention FUN and deep feeling.  My control and probably yours too, is driven by fear.  I fear looking stupid.  I fear feeling disappointed. I fear getting hurt.  I fear being lied to.  I FEAR. Continue reading